Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
