so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think your dad took our porno
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
