through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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