My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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