Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize