well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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