i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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