he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
