Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Small penises have feelings too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
