Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
