A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize