I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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