just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
