forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
