This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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