threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
