I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
