Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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