Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
