In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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