he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
