i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
