My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
