Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize