Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
