the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
