I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
