guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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