You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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