i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
