your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize