Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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