Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
