it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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