he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
