I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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