its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize