oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
