he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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