Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
