sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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