Buhtt sex?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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