Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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