I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
