I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
