and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
