Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
