I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
