That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
