I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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