You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
