Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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