he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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