This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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