I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I stole a fireplace last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
