I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
