you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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