No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
