So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
