I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
