someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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