I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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