i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
