I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
