Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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