Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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