I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
