i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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