Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
