hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this boner is exhausting
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize